David lays his heart before the Lord and pleads, “Search me O Lord.” He has, He does, and He always will. For He knows us better than we know ourselves. AND HE STILL LOVES US!
What an amazing psalm! This is a psalm I have come to on many occasions for many different reasons. It’s interesting that today is the day He has brought me here again. I am in need of its healing balm again.
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (verse 16). God has seen ALL my days, even this one where I sit before Him again and read this passage. One of the days when I’m feeling low and ugly again. One of the days when I regret how He has made me and what I have done with that form.
He KNEW I would have troubles in this area, and yet He didn’t give me a metabolism that was super charged. He hasn’t deadened my taste buds so that nothing is appealing. He also hasn’t allowed my body to develop a wasting disease that robs me of everything I eat.
What He has done is to walk beside me EVERY STEP of the way. Some of those days He has sat down beside me while I curl up and cry. He waited for me to notice that I wasn’t alone. He pointed out the good parts in my design when I needed to find ANYTHING positive to hold onto. He is even rebuilding the lessons right now in me, including the one where I listen to Him and turn away from the food and the pain.
He knows my heart. He knew me before I was even a spark in my father’s eye. He knew what it would take to mold me into a woman after His own heart. He knew I would need compassion. He gave me opportunities to understand pain. He also knew that I would emerge on the other side of that pain by trusting in Him. He allows me times of revisiting pain and remembering where my strength comes from.
All I need to do is to submit to His ‘searching.’ You see, it is not Him who is actually doing the searching, It’s me. It’s me looking at the places He is pointing out. It is me listening with ALL MY MIGHT to His voice as he tells me about the way out of the pain. It is me accepting that there will always be things I need to work on but that I AM LOVED BEYOND MEASURE as I am RIGHT NOW! I am the “Cracked Pot” that waters the flowers. I am the ‘vase’ that is molded to perfection for a purpose. I am HIS child with all the growing pains of a child.
And so are YOU. He searches our hearts daily. Not for imperfections but for ‘grains of sand’ that will one day become a ‘pearl’.
Did you know that is how oysters form pearls? A tiny grain of sand becomes an irritant to an oyster. Day by day and hour by hour, the oyster secretes a substance that coats that grain of sand to keep it from rubbing on it belly. The longer the object is in the belly of the oyster the larger the pearl becomes. It takes years for a pearl valuable to man to develop. The oyster finds NO beauty in the pearl or the process. It is simply trying to protect itself. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the pearl itself becomes an irritant to the oyster. It certainly takes up more room than the grain of sand did. ‘Another’ sees the beauty that has been created.
There IS value in the struggle. We may not see it ourselves but others do. He CERTAINLY does. And if we stop and listen He will show us our value, AND the value of the ‘pearls’ created.
Father God, THANK YOU. I KNOW I am a LONG way from perfect, both inside and out, but I am YOUR work in progress. You know where my heart is today and You reached out and touched it. THANK YOU for caring about the ‘sand’ in my belly. How big is my pearl now? Are You ready to harvest it so I don’t have to deal with this particular piece of sand any longer? Will it ever be ‘harvested’ or is it something that I will learn to use instead? Whatever You decide Lord, I KNOW You are with me daily. THANK YOU for speaking to me today in my pain. Thank You for making Your word fresh and living to me!
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” (verses 23-34).