Genesis 35 Grief
Jacob will experience grief three times. Twice will be connected to the death of a loved one. The third is the death of respect. All will have lasting effects.
Jacob will lose his beloved wife, Rachel, his father, Isaac, and the respect he felt for his oldest son, Reuben, while journeying through his story today. The last time we were together, I entertained the notion of skipping ahead to Jacob’s dreams, so that Rachel could be part of that timeline. I’ve decided to wait until we encounter them as we move along through Genesis. One reason for this is that Rachel was not alive when Jacob’s family bowed down to him. So, Leah more accurately fits this role in the dreams. She wasn’t his biological mother, but she was the head mother now that Leah was gone.
One thing I’m curious about, is why Jacob left while Rachel was so far along in her pregnancy. Did she go into premature labor? I have a feeling that her death was due to a condition called “Placenta Previa.” It is when the placenta covers the opening to the birth canal and prevents the baby from passing through. As the placenta is ripped from the uterus lining during dilation, both mother and child can both die. Another possibility is “Placental Abruption” where the placenta tears away from the uterine wall regardless of where it has attached. This too can be deadly for mother and child. Benjamin was a miracle! Not being there, and not being her doctor (or anyone’s doctor), I can’t say that with absolute certainty, but the signs are all there. Let’s join our family as they face some dark days.
♥ ♦ ♥
Rachel feels strong and confident with this child. She is handling the demands on her body much easier than she did with Joseph. The midwife has been making strange noises during her examinations of Rachel, but has said nothing to alarm her or alter her days. She is at the end of her eighth month. “One more month my little one” Rachel says as she strokes her protruding belly.
Jacob has been planning a family trip to see his parents again. He wants to wait until after the baby is born before setting out. With raising children and livestock, there never seems to be a prefect time to do anything extra. The day-to-day tasks are enough to keep everyone busy.
Jacob sees someone coming towards him at a very fast pace. He watches as they draw near. Jacob knows this face! He hasn’t seen it for some time. It is the face of his Ima’s nurse, Deborah. She helped raise him and Esau when they were little. He smiles as she gets closer, but that smile slips away when he sees her distress.
Her hair is soaked with perspiration, her face is red from exertion, and she is having trouble catching her breath. Jacob rushes to her and guides her over to a rock to sit on. He wants to know what is wrong, but he needs to wait until she catches her breath so she will be able to speak clearly.
“Don’t try to speak yet. Just rest” Jacob instructs her as he lifts a rag from his belt and mops Deborah’s face with it.
Deborah finally regains her ability to speak. “Your Ima sent me. Your Abba is very sick. She wants you to come right away.”
The news hits Jacob hard. He has been back in this land for around ten years, and he has only seen his Abba a handful of times. ‘Life’ keeps getting in the way. He makes up his mind to fix this immediately. He will move his camp to Hebron, where his Abba is. And he will help his Ima care for him if needed.
Jacob helps Deborah rise and the two of them head towards his camp. Deborah’s feet begin to feel heavy and an extreme tiredness overtakes her. She figures it is from her earlier running, so she forces her feet to move one more step; until they can’t.
Jacob was ahead of Deborah, which is the custom, so he didn’t see her fall. He heard the sound of something hitting the ground like a sack of grain and quickly turns to the source of that sound. He rushes to Deborah’s side. All the color has left her face. It is the ash grey of death. There is nothing he can do to help her now.
Jacob stands up, locates a nearby servant, and begins calling out to him while waving his arms in the air. Jacob doesn’t want to leave her side, not even to fetch a cart to carry her body into camp.
The servant sees Jacob and comes running over to him. He sees the woman lying on the ground; dead.
“What happened?!”
“Her heart has failed her after she ran to bring me news of my Abba. We must burry her and then be off. My Abba is not well. Get a cart and bring it here. We will burry her under that tree” Jacob said while pointing to an oak tree. “Call the others so that we may mourn her properly.”
The servant went to the camp and sent a cart back. He then sent messengers and went himself to tell Jacob’s sons of what had just happened. By evening, all were assembled under the oak tree Jacob had chosen. Together they lamented Deborah’s passing. Jacob was the only one who actually knew Deborah, but his family had met her on their infrequent visits to his parents.
As soon as Deborah was buried, Jacob told the reason for her coming. “Deborah came to me with an urgent message that my Abba is very ill. We have been living in this land for some time now, and I have barely seen him. He was feeble when I left this land so long ago, it is a miracle that he still breathes. We will go to Hebron and live there so that I may be of help to my Ima; either caring for my Abba or caring for her.”
“When will we leave” asks Reuben.
“We will break camp first thing in the morning and be on the road before the sun reaches its fullest height.”
“No grass growing under his feet” thinks Rachel. “Well, little one, I guess you are going to be born in the company of your grand Ima.”
Morning came and camp was quickly packed and ready for travel. Rachel was having some light cramps but didn’t think much of it. As the day wore on, they became more uncomfortable. She thought that maybe she had eaten something that didn’t agree with her. That evening when they stopped, the cramps eased. “It must just be the swaying of the camel” she convinced herself.
Each day was a little worse than the one before it in regards to Rachel’s comfort with traveling. She had even noticed some bright red blood when they stopped to relieve themselves. By the fourth day of travel, Rachel had enough! She called for the midwife.
“I’m sure it is just the camel’s back, but I cannot get comfortable. Is there anything you can do to help me?”
The midwife took Rachel to a private place and examined her. As she was examining Rachel, hard labor pains began to seize her and she cried out. “It’s too soon” cried Rachel as her body rocked with pain.
The midwife called for assistance and a tent was immediately set up for Rachel. As soon as it was ready, she was carried inside and laid on a birthing pallet. She could not get comfortable and her pains were near constant. Worse than that, Rachel was losing blood. She and the baby were in serious trouble.
The midwife knew it was a life and death struggle. There was no way Rachel could push the baby from her womb. The midwife had to reach into her and pull her child free. It was the only way to save the child. There was already no saving Rachel, she had lost too much blood.
Rachel screamed out in agony as the midwife pushed her hand inside to draw the babe out. Just when it looked as all hope was lost for both Ima and baby, the midwife pulled the babe free from Rachel’s fading body. “Do not fear, for you have another son” (verse 17b).
Rachel’s eyes barely open and losing focus, she used her last strength to call out the name she chose for her son; “Ben-oni” she uttered with her last breath.
Jacob was beside himself, hearing Rachel’s screams! He knew there was nothing he could do, but his heart ached to take her pain away. The silence that fell in an instant was worse. He held his breath, waiting for any sound. Finally, the cry of a babe was heard and he could breathe again.
The midwife herself brought Jacob’s son out to him. Her arms were covered in blood as was the entire front of her apron. When Jacob saw her, he KNEW that Rachel was gone. His knees nearly buckled and he sat heavily on a nearby stool.
“You have another son. His Ima named him Ben-oni.”
Jacob shook his head. He would not have his son wear the name of death and sorrow. “His name is Benjamin, not Ben-oni.”
The midwife was saddened that his Abba chose to dismiss the name Rachel had given her son with her last breath, but it was not her decision to make. She focused on what she could fix.
“We need to get him a wetnurse immediately. One of the women taken from Shechem is nearing weaning of her own child. She will be able to nurse him.”
Jacob nodded and the midwife left him holding his son while she went off to find him help. Finally alone, Jacob wept bitterly as he held Rachel’s last gift to him. He stood up with his son and quietly slipped into the tent where Rachel’s body lay. The midwife’s assistant was finishing cleaning Rachel for burial. She stopped what she was doing and withdrew to another section of the tent to allow Jacob to have privacy to say goodbye to his beloved wife.
“I will tell him of your love for him. And how you gave your own life in order to see him live.” Jacob touched Rachel’s hair with the back of his finger. “And I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep the name you gave him. It would have brought me sorrow every time I uttered his name. I want to remember the joyous moments we shared together; not this one.” A tear dropped on Rachel’s face and Jacob gently wiped it away. Then he rose from his knees, cradling his son in his arms, and left the tent.
The midwife met Jacob as he emerged from the tent. “This is the woman who will nurse your son.”
“Thank you. I will make certain you have everything you need to care for both children. Let me know exactly what you need, and it will be brought to you.”
The midwife takes Benjamin and places him in the wetnurse’s arms. Jacob watches her walk away with his son in order to give him what his Ima never will; nourishment.
Word spread quickly in the camp. A hurried job of erecting shelters had been undertaken when Rachel first went into labor. Now the camp sits in near silence; allowing the news to sink in.
Joseph, having just lost his Ima, goes in search of his Abba. Joseph wanted to offer, and seek, comfort. He finds his Abba looking toward the city of Bethlehem; the direction in which his Abba still lies. Joseph walks over to Jacob and stands quietly beside him. Jacob lifts his arm and puts it around Joseph’s shoulder. Joseph snuggles into his Abba’s embrace.
“What will we do now Abba” asks Joseph.
“We will go on. There is only one thing we have left that we can do for your Ima this day. That is to burry her. We will do this first thing in the morning.”
Joseph nods his head. “May I see her Abba?”
“If you wish, but what remains of her is not her. It is only an outward shell. One we honor by burial, but nothing more.”
“I understand Abba. I still want to see her.”
Jacob walked with Joseph to the tent that held Rachel’s body. “You can still turn back” Jacob offered to Joseph.
Joseph shook his head. He took a deep breath, then pushed the door aside and went to where his Ima’s body lay. He knelt down and spoke softly to her. “I will look after my little brother and honor him one day because of your sacrifice. I love you Ima. May Abba’s God carry you home to your ancestors.”
Joseph emerged from the tent a moment later. Jacob put his hand on Joseph’s shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Rest tonight. I will stay with her through the night and we will burry her at first light.”
Jacob sat beside Rachel’s body all night. She had made ready for burial by the midwife’s assistant prior to Jacob taking up his vigil. When morning broke, it poked its fingers through a slim gap in the door. There would have been no gaps if the tent had not been erected so quickly the day before. As it was, it served to rouse Jacob for the task ahead.
Rachel was buried beside the road that morning with all her family in attendance. Leah’s heart broke for her sister. Dying during childbirth is one of a woman’s worst fears. Knowing that she will not be there to take care of the child she has just given life to. The only thing worse is for mother and child to die. Leah silently promised Rachel to watch after her children and to love them as best she could. She knew she would never have the same depth of relationship she had with her own children, but she would love them.
Once Rachel was buried, Jacob set up a pillar to mark her grave. There was no other option available. This task complete, Jacob called for camp to be broke and for their journey to continue.
It would be another three days travel before they reached their destination; the tower of Eder. They would stay there for a while. It was within two day’s journey from Isaac and Rebekah. This distance would allow plenty of room for all the herds to graze.
After settling his company, Jacob went on to Hebron. He took Joseph with him. He would see his father’s state of health and inform both his parents of Deborah and Rachel’s passings.
While Jacob was gone, Reuben saw an opportunity that he had been longing for, for many years. Reuben had been in love with Zilpah, his Ima’s servant, all his life. He didn’t care that she was old enough to be his Ima. She had given Reuben more attention that his brothers when they were young. Reuben saw this as her choosing him too.
Zilpah certainly cared for Reuben. She was his favorite of Leah’s children. The most preconscious when he was young and the most handsome as a man. She secretly desired him but would NEVER act on it, or even tell him on her own.
One night, while Jacob was absent, Reuben became drunk on wine. This gave him the ‘courage’ he needed to approach Zilpah.
“You are so beautiful!” Reuben whispered in Zilpah’s ear as he snuck up behind her.
Zilpah quickly turns around quickly to find Reuben standing there. A smile lit her lips before she ducked her head.
“I need to be with you” crooned Reuben.
“This isn’t right” protests Zilpah but she doesn’t resist Reubens hands as they begin to caress her body. “Someone will see us” she pleads.
Reuben looks around to see if anyone is watching. He sees no one, so he draws Zilpah into her tent. As a servant, Zilpah doesn’t have the right to refuse Reuben’s advances. Reuben believes that, being she never directly told him to “stop” that she is as willing as he is to change the nature of their relationship.
Reuben stays in Zilpah’s tent all night, satisfying the hunger he has felt since he was a young man. By morning, his lust has faded with the alcohol the that fueled his desire. He is ashamed of what he has done. He quietly slips from Zilpah’s tent and makes his way to the well where he washes the scent of the night from his pours. If only he could wash it from his heart too.
Little does Reuben know, he was observed leaving Zilpah’s tent. Word of his actions WILL make it back to Jacob, in due time.
When Jacob arrived at the home of his parents, he sees that his Abba is much weaker than the last time he visited. He still lives, but his days are not long on this earth. “I have come Abba” Jacob says as he approaches his Abba as he lies on his pallet.
“It is good to hear your voice one more time before I join my ancestors” croaks Isaac.
“I will be here as long as you need me Abba. And as long as Ima needs me.”
“Take care of her after I am gone. She is not as old as I am but we are both long in years.”
“I promise Abba.”
Isaac tires easily so Rebekah shoos Jacob out of the room.
“How is he really Ima” Jacob asks.
“He sleeps most of the day. He drinks little, and eats even less. I do not see him lasting much longer.”
Jacob’s head falls forward until his chin rests on his chest, as if too heavy to stay straight on his neck any longer. “So much death. So much grief. Is there an end in sight?”
Jacob had told Rebekah of Deborah’s death after bringing her message to him and of Rachel’s death on the journey here. She understood the weight her son carried. “God has promised to do good to you my son. Trust in His promises.”
“He is my rock. And the fact that He allowed me the life of Rachel’s child, is enough to see me through.”
Rebekah nods her head in agreement.
It is two months before Isaac finally dies. Jacob stays at the home of his parents during that time. Joseph travels back and forth, bringing his Abba reports of how things are going with his own camp. One of those messages contained the report of Reuben and Zilpah.
Jacob steamed for two full days. He wanted nothing more than to rush back to his camp and have it out with Reuben, but he couldn’t leave Isaac, so close to death. This would have to wait until after he buried his Abba.
Rebekah sent word to Esau about Isaac’s health. He didn’t arrive until a month after Jacob did. This gave Jacob time alone with his parents, time to think about what to do with Reuben, and time to embark on a special project. This project was initially just a way to keep his mind off of the trouble around him, but then it turned into a labor of love.
Jacob worked in his quiet times on a special coat for Joseph. This coat was bright and beautiful. It contained every color Jacob could find. There were splashes of color in some places, while other areas had carefully woven figures of varying colors. This coat was fit for a king! Jacob would hold it until Joseph’s 17th birthday.
After Esau’s arrival, the two brothers spent as much time with their Abba as they could. Often it was them sitting quietly and listening to him breathe. At least his breathing let them know he was still alive.
Isaac finally passed away in his sleep. Esau and Jacob washed their Abba and prepared him for burial. They took his body to the cave that Abraham had purchased for Sarah as a final resting place. They laid Isaac’s body on a rock shelf near where his own Abba’s bones rested.
Two days later, both boys would depart for their own camps. Jacob begged Rebekah to come, but she refused. “I have lived too long in this house to go back to living in a tent. I will be fine here. I have friends who will check in on me. And you are free to visit any time you like.”
“Send for me if ANYTHING changes Ima, and I will come immediately.”
Rebekah pats Jacob’s cheek. “I know you will son. But it’s time to go and tend to your own family. Bring all of my grandchildren for a visit again someday.”
Jacob kisses his Ima and sets off for his own home. There is much he needs to deal with when he gets there.
(to be continued)
This is not the end of Jacob’s grief. Soon he will be grieving for his son Joseph. But that’s a story for another day. I believe that this may be the place where Isaac was living when Jacob’s demise was reported to him; Bethlehem. His brothers were days away pasturing the sheep in Shechem the last time he would go to check on them. Again, a story for another day.
We don’t know for certain how quickly these three deaths were in relation to one another. Isaac was feeble when Jacob left for Laban. Esau expected him to curl up his toes and die any day. And so did Isaac. He only gave his end of life blessing because he was convinced that his life was ending in short order. He was around 137 when he blessed Jacob, and he didn’t die until he was 180. That’s a long time to be ill.
I can understand prolonged illnesses as my husband has been dealing with health issues for almost 30 years. He has good and bad days and a lot of days in between. There have been times when we didn’t expect him to see ‘another Christmas’, but he is still with us. And I’m grateful for each day.
Father God, thank You again for bringing me into Your story. I cannot imagine the heaviness of Jacob’s heart during that time. Was he able to spend time with Benjamin? Did Leah step into Rachel’s place? Did she become a comfort to Jacob or did she remain the outsider? Was Leah buried beside Jacob, in the cave purchased for Sarah? Jewish tradition says yes, but I haven’t found scripture verse for it. Maybe I’m not looking hard enough. I’m certain that, if I really need to know, You will show me where it is in Your word.
For now, I will be grateful that both my parents are still living. And so is my husband.
