Proverbs 23:9 Wise Words #9
You can speak to some of the people some of the time and they will understand. And you can speak to some people and they NEVER understand. And they blame you for it!
This verse brings up some memories! There are times I want to just SHAKE someone so the ‘marbles will roll into the right holes’ and they will finally understand what I’m saying. Then there are times others want to SHAKE me for the same reason. Those times are fewer now that I recognize the cause of my irrational thinking; excessive anger.
But there are some people who are so convinced they are right that, no matter what you say, they refuse to listen. Early on in my adult life, my now ex-husband brought a friend home to live with us for a while. He was the most opinionated person I have EVER met. One of his ‘favorite’ responses in any discussion was, “You opinion doesn’t matter because you are not educated/sophisticated/cultured enough.” My response finally became, “Your opinion of my opinion doesn’t matter because you aren’t educated enough either then.” It took a while for this person to leave our lives but I was dancing a jig when he did!
Another experience I have had that frustrated me is when I explain or tell someone something and they refuse to listen. But someone else tells them the VERY SAME thing and they take it as fact. Then they try and share with me this ‘wonderful’ new information that they just got. This used to happen with my mother-in-law quite a lot but has pretty much stopped. She now takes whatever I say seriously. I have proven my worth to her.
Solomon told us many times in many different ways that the ‘fool’ won’t listen. He will blame you for his trouble too, according to these wise words. And I have seen that happen too! You can only help someone so much. If you help ‘too much’ they either become dependent on you or resent you. Those that becomes dependent on you will despise you if ever you withdraw your ‘support’.
So, what do we do about those who won’t listen? How do we deal with those who blame us for the mess they are in, that we tried to help them avoid? Is “I told you so” ever an appropriate answer?
IF you can, separate yourself from such people. IF you can’t, stop offering advice until they ask for it. When they are ready to seek your help they will be more willing to listen. If/When they blame you for their mess, you can take a few different paths. 1) Help them figure out where things went wrong, 2) Wash your hands of the whole situation, 3) Accept the misplaced blame as your own for even offering advice in the first place. Sometimes you just have to say, “I KNEW I should have kept out of it all along.” An ”I told you so” answer might feel really good but it doesn’t help things. You could try option number 1 from above IF they are still even talking to you after “you ruined their life!”
And sometimes there is NO helping people no matter how hard you try. This brings to mind the woman who was trying her best to get the “Deer Crossing” signs moved to locations that were safer for deer to cross. I’ll let you figure that one out as to why this woman could most definitely be listed in the ‘fool’ category. Many people tried explaining the issue to her without ANY success.
Bottom line, be mindful of the audience with whom you share your wisdom. Sometimes it is better to remain silent and let ‘nature take its course’. If there is a chance that you will be heard or if it is critical for this information to be shared, be prepared for whatever the reaction might be. You cannot become angry at a child for not understanding things above their level of understanding.
When you REALLY need someone to listen speak their ‘language’. Relate to them the way they relate to the world. You don’t have to change your meaning but ‘dumb it down’ in necessary for your intended audience.
Father God, thank You for changing the atmosphere in my home with regards to being dismissed by some as unintelligent. I recognize the base reasoning was the process of building trust with those I interact with. Help me to keep working on those relationships. Help me also continue to grow in wisdom and insight into MY times of ‘acting the fool’ as it relates to not really listening. Finally Lord, help me to NOT JUDGE anyone as beyond hope or too ‘foolish’ to be worth my time. EVERYONE is precious in Your sight; including me.
