Psalm 38:1-22 SO Sorry
David is crying out in misery. He knows that he has sinned and it is tearing him up from the inside. All he desires is forgiveness from God and safety from man.
I’m curious as to which of David’s sins he is feeling the sting of at this particular time. Is his heart breaking over his adultery (probable rape) of Bathsheba? Is he lamenting his orders to have Uriah killed? Is this part of his pleading for his infant son? Is his despair tied to his having insisted on a census of the people? Is it something that he did while on the run from Saul? Or is it something we don’t even know about? Whatever it is, he is in acute physical pain over his sin. He KNOWS he has failed God and it grieves him deeply.
David focuses his attention on God, not those around him. He is aware of what others are saying about him but he isn’t listening. He also isn’t defending himself to others. He is, however, feeling the sting of their desertion and recognizes that his condition gives his enemies fuel for their campaign against him.
Let them rage on. The ONLY One David is interested in right now is God. David is desperate to repair their relationship. David is adrift in this world without God. He has nothing else he values as much as he prizes his relationship with God.
“PLEASE don’t leave me Abba Father! I KNOW how guilty I am and how I have failed You yet again. I’m SO sorry! Whatever it takes Lord, I will do it if You will only restore our fellowship.”
David had the Law which dealt with atonement through animal sacrifice for sin. I have NO doubt that David had already performed those sacrifices but he still felt ‘dirty’. Maybe God had not yet fully restored His relationship with David. It is possible that David’s cry was taking place as God was executing judgment for David’s sins. David’s crying out might have been during the judgment that God had already promised would happen. The plague, punishment following the census, and David’s son’s death both spring to mind. During both of these judgments David cried out to the Lord for forgiveness and mercy. In the second instance, God did not relent. In the first, David’s prayers had God turn the angel back just outside Jerusalem but the angel’s work did fall on the rest of the nation of Judah.
Jesus took ALL of man’s sins to the cross with Himself. Even the sin David was lamenting. David didn’t have the same kind of access we enjoy or the Holy Spirit within him to help him with restoring his relationship with God. David had to have faith that the sacrifices he made were good enough to do the job. I have NO doubt that God did forgive him; if not by his sacrifices at least through Jesus’.
I KNOW God forgives my sins, when I bring them to Him too. But I can certainly identify with David. The knowledge of what I have done weighs on me as it did on him. Maybe not to the extent David was experiencing but enough to bring me to my knees too. That original conviction/guilt is what brings us to repent in the first place.
Continued guilt after bringing it to God is from Satan. He doesn’t want us to accept God’s forgiveness. He wants us to wallow in our pain and question if God ‘really’ forgave us. This is Satan’s way of keeping us in bondage. Accept the truth that Jesus did ALL that was necessary for our freedom from sin while on the cross. We still have to turn from that sin and repent. His forgiveness is waiting when we do. It is a free gift from God to us. And a restored relationship with Him is part of that ‘package’.
Thank You Father God for making a way for me to be forgiven and restored in fellowship. Those are the very gifts Adam and Eve lost in the garden. I don’t think they even realized what they had until it was gone. I’m just as oblivious at times. Those are the moments I take the ‘pleasure’ of the world over the relationship and choose to sin. I’m SO GLAD I don’t have to wait as long as Eve did to address that sin. Eve never again felt the close relationship from the garden. I get to experience the restoration right away through the Holy Spirit.
That does NOT make my sin any less of a disruption to our relationship! Or any less weighty in Your eyes. Thank You for removing them from me. EVERY ONE of them.
More than anything else Father, help me stop falling into sin to begin with. I want to walk in Your ways and not disappoint You. Help me learn the lessons deeper while also turning loose of the guilt that Satan tries to torment me with. Help me remember also that when Satan tries to remind me of my past, I need to remind him of his future!