Genesis 26 Friction
Esau is 40 years old when he decides to get married. He marries not one wife but two! And there is friction between his Ima and his wives.
This family has been divided for most of its existence. God told Rebekah that her sons were ‘warring’ even while still in the womb. Mother and father’s favoritism did NOT help with this divide. Esau marrying Hittite wives skews that dividing line a bit. Isaac and Rebekah are united in their extreme dislike of Esau’s choice in wives.
Esau’s choice doesn’t make life uncomfortable but “bitter” for his parents. I looked up the meaning of “bitter” and this is what I found concerning people: angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.
Let’s dive into this story and see what life is like in the camp of Isaac and Rebekah.
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Esau and Isaac’s relationship isn’t what it used to be. Not that it is completely broken but it is strained. Esau needs something to replace the closeness he had with his Abba. He decides that it’s time to take a wife. Hebron is nearby and there are some very pretty women there. Without even consulting his parents, Esau starts looking for a wife.
All the girls know Esau. He is strong, handsome, and comes from a VERY rich family. Who wouldn’t want to have him as a husband? Esau starts spending a little more time in town and seeking out interactions with young women. He isn’t exactly sure what he wants in a wife, but he expects he will know it when he finds it.
Judith isn’t like the rest of the ‘empty headed’ women in town. She is strong and independent. Her parents died when she was young and she has pretty much raised herself since then. She can hunt as well as any man. Her bargaining skills in the marked are legendary. And NO ONE takes advantage of her.
Even with her tough exterior, she is broken inside. For those who can get past her walls, an honest and seeking heart awaits. But getting past those walls is a challenge not to be taken lightly. Those walls have protected her from more than one unscrupulous person, both male and female, in her past.
Esau has seen Judith in the fields. They have crossed paths while hunting on more than one occasion. They are cordial when they meet, but little more. Until Esau starts trying to fill the empty space in his heart.
One day, Esau watches as Judith takes down a fallow deer. This deer must weigh nearly as much as she does! Esau watches with curiosity to see how she will mange it; bring it back to town.
Judith rushes up to the downed animal and slits it throat to allow the blood to run out so it won’t taint the meat. Then she begins dressing it right where it lies. Her hands are sure and swift. In no time at all, she has the deer skinned and separated at the joints. From a pack on her back, she removes four bags of loosely woven twine. She quarters her trophy and divides the usable meat into each of them. She then ties the bags together on the ends of her bow; two on either end. Finally, she slips her bow over her head and lays it across her shoulders. When she rises from her work, little is left behind for the scavengers to feed on, and she is ready for her walk back into town.
Esau watched all of this with growing admiration. A woman after his own heart! Her red hair and beauty didn’t hurt matters either.
Esau began to active look for Judith when he went hunting. He also searches for her when he is in town. He wants to get to know this woman.
Judith is in the marketplace when Esau finally finds her. She is giving one of the new merchants a hard look as he tries to convince her that his wares are worth the price he is asking.
“You won’t find a better deal anywhere.”
Judith picks up a piece of his pottery and quickly points out the flaws in his design. “Nice effort” she says, “But no sale.” She extends the pitcher out towards him. With a scowl on his face, he snatches it from her hands.
Esau nearly burst out laughing. He puts his hand over his mouth to hold it in. Judith hears the muffled sound and turns towards Esau. Now she wears the scowl. She does NOT like being laughed at. Esau straightens to his full height as Judith stomps towards him.
“Is there something you wanted from me?” she askes with venom in her voice. “How can I amuse you further?”
“I’m sorry. I did not mean to laugh, and it wasn’t at you. It was the merchant. Thinking that he could outwit you” Esau offers.
“And what do you know of me” Judith throws at him.
“We have crossed paths before while hunting. And I have seen you in the marketplace a few times.”
“Are you following me?” she demands.
Esau is nearly beside himself. Everything he says elicits a sharp answer. Finally he tries a different approach. “Can we start over? My name is Esau.”
Judith crosses her arms and stares at him.
“It is usually customary to introduce yourself when someone introduces themselves to you” says Esau after a long pause.
“I don’t often do what is expected of me.”
“I can see that. But it could be nice to try it this once.”
“Fine. My name is Judith. Is that all you wanted?”
“This is a LOT harder than I was led to believe” Esau whispers.
“What was that” demands Judith.
“Forgive me; again. I’m trying to make conversation because I would like to get to know you.”
“I’m not much into conversation and why would you want to know me?”
“Do you take everything as a challenge?”
“Most of the time” answers Judith.
“Well, could you, just for now, not beat me about the head with words” pleads Esau.
Judith almost smiles. “Why isn’t he running away” she thinks. “I’ve certainly given him enough cause to.”
“That’s better” says Esau when he sees the anger fade from Judith’s eyes.
With Esau’s words, Judith believes that this man thinks she is weak. In an instant the hardness returns to her eyes.
Esau throws his hands in the air. “This is ridiculous! I’m just trying to be nice to you.” He shakes his head. “I thought it might be nice to have a friend. One that shares some of your interests.”
“I’ve not had many friends. I seem to get hurt by them, so I choose not to look for any.”
“I have had the same experience, but somehow I think we might be good together” offers Esau.
“Maybe” says Judith.
“’Maybe’, that’s all you have to offer?”
“Take it or leave it” Judith says as she turns to walk away.
“I’ll take it” shouts Esau to her retreating back.
Esau makes it a point to search of Judith when he is out hunting. His trip doesn’t feel complete unless he exchanges a few moments and often caustic words with her.
Over time, Judith begins searching for Esau during her time hunting too. Within a few months, the two are sharing stories of their lives, their plans for the future, and anything else that comes to mind. They have both traded hunting secrets that the other hadn’t thought of. And her words are becoming much less biting. She is actually enjoying Esau’s company and looks forward to the time they spend together.
It takes six months for Esau to work up the nerve to bring up the subject of marriage. He is certain that he wants this woman in his life forever. Judith is initially resistant to the idea, but Esau is persistent. A month later, Judith agrees to marry Esau.
Esau is ecstatic! He believes that Judith will complete him; fill the emptiness that he has been suffering from for too long. It’s time to tell his family about his bride to be.
Isaac and Rebekah had noticed a change in Esau, but didn’t know its source. He seemed happier, and since it was something good, they didn’t dare challenge it. He always had a way of pushing back on any help they offered. They figured that, when he was ready, he would tell them about whatever it was.
Esau visits the tent of his parents this evening. He and Jacob come often but not without the other. And certainly not unless it is mealtime.
“Abba, Ima, I have something important to tell you”, announces Esau as he approaches.
Isaac looks at Rebekah for a moment and then they both give Esau their full attention. “What is it my son” asks Isaac.
“I have found the woman I will marry.”
“What” shouts Rebekah as she nearly jumps to her feet.
Isaac puts a restraining hand on her arm and she settles back onto her stool. Isaac takes the questioning from there. “Who is this woman. Where does she come from. And why have you not mentioned her before now?”
“I didn’t want to mention her until she agreed to be my wife. She is from Hebron and her name is Judith.”
“You know how I feel about the women around here” barks Rebekah.
Esau takes a step back; shocked by his Ima’s anger. “Judith is not like any of the women ‘around here’” he replies with a bit of bite in his tone.
Isaac tries another approach. “The people around us do not believe in our God. Your Ima and I are concerned that she will draw you away from the true God. The God who called us as His own.”
“Judith is not like that. She respects me and my beliefs. And I am going to marry her” Esau states flatly. “I wasn’t asking your permission. I was just sharing my joy with you.” Esau turns and walks away.
Isaac and Rebekah watch him go. They know that if they fight against this union, they will lose their son. He WILL marry this Judith woman and would cut off all ties to them. All they can do is pray that he changes his own mind.
That prayer would go unanswered. In fact, the hurt is compounded when Esau decides not to marry just one woman but two. Esau and Judith were married within a week; a month after Esau’s 40th birthday.
As Esau and Judith began their adventure as husband and wife, they started discussing household duties and childbearing. Judith confided that she was NOT a cook and had no desire to be a mother. Esau was not completely surprised by this, but it did present a problem. After three months of trying to work through this wrinkle in their relationship the both decided that, finding someone to fill in the ‘holes’ in their relationship was a very good idea.
As fortune would have it, Judith had a friend who would be the perfect fit. Her name was Basemath. She was approaching the age where she would be considered undesirable for marriage. She was very shy and would not put herself forward in any way. And that was one reason Judith liked her. She was no challenge to her in any way. She would do whatever Judith told her to do.
Judith introduced Esau to Basemath. For some reason he couldn’t explain, Esau felt drawn to and protective of Basemath. It was like she was a tiny mouse, in need of protecting from everything around her. This made Esau feel even stronger. She was completely opposite of Judith, but she still captured a piece of his heart. Esau would marry Basemath without even broaching the subject with his parents. He didn’t want to have to deal with another confrontation. Besides, nothing they said would change his mind.
Judith and Basemath both came to the company of Isaac to live. Their tent was on the other side of the company from Isaac and Rebekah’s. Rebekah refused to accept Esau’s wives. She had no hand in choosing them and they were in direct conflict with what she had taught Isaac as a young man.
Judith could feel Rebekah’s dislike from across the camp. And Judith was quick to return those same feelings towards Rebekah. Judith’s speech was always caustic, but with Rebekah, she speech was hurtful. Judith seemed to take pleasure in saying things that brought Rebekah either to tears or to ‘steam escaping from her ears’. And even when Rebekah tried to improve their relationship, NOTHING she did was good enough.
Basemath was easily manipulated by Judith, and so, Judith found a partner in making Rebekah miserable.
Isaac was unable to bring peace between the two families. He wanted his son to be happy, but he knew how hard this was on Rebekah. He was at a loss as to how to resolve the situation; short of telling his son to leave. And he would NEVER do that. Isaac prayed that someday things would get better. Until that day came, they would stay as far away from Esau’s wives as possible.
(to be continued)
It is interesting how “hate” breeds “hate”. “Love” also breeds “love”. Being human, we most often give back what we believe we are getting. If we believe someone does not like us, we tend to not like them either. Jesus tells us to love our enemies, and to pray for those who treat you badly.
Jesus certainly did this! For those who hammered the nails in His hands and feet, He prayed for them. He asked His Father to forgive them, even as the continued to commit this excruciatingly painful act. And He stayed on that cross and completed the work so that when I sin, and treat Him shamefully, I am forgiven; I’m treated with love.
We honestly don’t know why Esau chose the women he did to marry. Was it to spite his parents? Or did he truly love them? We know that he would take another wife from the land of Canaan later on, and it WAS out of rebellion. I would have to be the instrument of someone else’s rebellion! I feel for these women.
Father God, thank You again for sharing Your stories with me. I pray I have not overstepped in my telling of Your story. I will have to wait until we are face to face to ask for the real story. For now, I’m good with what You laid on my heart.
I know that the situation I had with my neighbor was hate breeding hate. Forgive me for my part in it. Thank You for giving me the idea to extended kindness instead. Thank You for restoring peace on my street.
