Proverbs 14:8-15 His Steps
The steps, the way, or the righteous is compared to the way of the fool. His steps will prove out what is in his heart and lead to reward or destruction.
I’m leaning on my bible helps again for separating the verses. I kind of see why they grouped these ones together. The eighth and the fifteenth verse both speak of “his steps.” What is contained between are some examples of the differences between the two ways.
We are sandwiched between the prudent man considering his steps and the fool stepping blithely through life. Verse 15 tells us “The simple believes everything” while verse 8 tells us “The folly of the fool is deceiving.” I’m talking to someone right now who falls into the believing anything category. There is no correcting this person, even with evidence. She heard it somewhere (often Fox News) so it must be gospel. Problem with that is then she mixes the facts up and what she relays to me sounds very little like the original information. BUT she is a firm believer in the Lord. So how do these two things fit together?
I think it is possible for any of us to be “foolish” in some area of our lives. I know I am when it comes to food and weight. My father asked me once, “You have so much will power to do so many things, why can’t you use that will power with this issue.” I admit, I let very few things stop me in life. I see an obstacle in my path and it motivates me to conquer it.
When my husband left me, not even divorced, I didn’t know what to do. I did know that the job I had wouldn’t be enough to provide for my children. My boss at the time gave me a direction and I did EVERYTHING I could to see it happen. There were MANY obstacles on this path, from admittance committees, to delayed student loans, to no local job openings, to moving my children and myself from one coast to the other. I ran straight at each one of them and wouldn’t back off until they too lay at my feet.
One of those obstacles was legally ending my marriage. This one may have been the hardest for me. I wasn’t the one who wanted the divorce and I told my ex that HE had to file the paperwork. He ignored it and went on his merry way, leaving me and our children hanging in the balance. When I was filing out financial aid papers for school I had to either claim all his income or end the marriage. I finally filed the papers for what was already being expressed in real life. Having been the one to take that step still hurts today. Intellectually I know there was NO hope for that relationship but I still wonder what might have happened if I had stayed firm. I truly believe I was being prudent at the time and making a path forward for me and my children.
I feel led to continue on with this last example and hold it up to the other verses in our reading. To see the whole truth of it. First of all, I searched the word AND my heart regarding this decision. It was not a spur of the moment choice. I looked at how Paul addressed divorce and held my circumstances up against it. My ex professed to be a believer when we married but his life demonstrated a different story. His stepping away from the marriage vows also led me to conclude that I was released from our relationship. BUT I prayed fervently for forgiveness, in case I was wrong which leads me to verse 9.
I truly believe that God can, and does, forgive us when we come to Him with a sincere heart. I did NOT come mockingly to Him saying He HAD to forgive me. I came with a humble heart of one who was truly grieved by her circumstances. I prayed that the Lord would accept me in the new role my life had to take on.
My heart certainly knew bitterness at that time. Sometimes I’m pretty sure there are still traces of that bitterness in me. I don’t want there to be and I have prayed to have it removed from my heart. To be able to love myself in spite of my failings and to forgive my ex for the pain he put me through all along the way. But I have joy again in my life is SO MANY other places. MANY of those places revolve around my children. He is a stranger to them and he has missed out on the joy I have experienced in raising them. He remains mostly a stranger to them even now, of his OWN choosing.
The ‘tent’ I constructed with my family has indeed flourished! There were, and still are, difficult times as my children and I forged a new life. But the strength they have exhibited and the character they demonstrate speak volumes. They were NOT crushed by his absence. Even when they try and reach out to him now, and he doesn’t respond, they carry on. We have a STRONG family bond and we would each do anything for the others. We relish each other’s successes and are there to help in times of difficulty. We even have our Camp NaPa, which celebrates both sides of our new blended family. My ex has none of this. His ‘girlfriend’ finally died and he is alone. I feel for him but there is nothing I can do to fix his loss. His “house” fell. I honestly don’t know what his situation is now because, like I said before, he has completely removed himself from our lives.
His decision, that seemed right to him, lead to the ‘death’ of his family. It was the death of my expectations. Yes, I have probably come out stronger because of it, but it is a strength I would gladly have forgone forging. There was mental abuse long before the final conclusion so this was also a way of rescue for me and my children.
For the FIRST TIME I can see how this heartache has ended in joy. If my children and I continued on the path we were with my ex, we would not know joy. We would probably be broken beyond repair. But because of this heartache that we were forced to go through we now know laughter again.
My heart if filled with the fruit from both paths. Today the fruit from the ‘backslidden marriage’ is much easier for me to bear. I don’t know what his heart feels but the fruit of his life appears to be emptiness. Fruit of the path he chose. My heart is FULL and getting fuller because of what the Spirit is showing me today. I have made Jesus Lord of my life and He has filled me better than I could ever have imagined! I have joy and a family who loves me.
Thank You Father for helping me “give thought to [my] steps.” You opened my heart and mind to things I had not considered. I believe YOU rescued me and my children. Not by causing my ex-husband to seek divorce but by using his discontent to protect us from further damage. THANK YOU for walking with me, and carrying me, through the healing process. It has taken a LONG time to get here. There are still areas that need attention but I trust You to complete what You started in me. Thank You for NEVER turning loose of my hand. And for showing me the steps to take in my life every day.
Holy Spirit, I trust You had a reason for taking me on this path today too. I pray it helps someone who is struggling through like circumstances.
