Proverbs 27:17 Helpful Friends
“No man is an island” and “It takes a village to raise a child” both speak of how relationships are important. HELPFUL friends are critical.
As we have talked about before; man is a social being. God said “It is not good for a man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). This doesn’t only apply to the husband and wife relationship but to friendships too. Everyone needs some form of companionship. Why else do you think solitary confinement is used as a punishment for extreme offenders. Isolation seriously messes with the mind and the heart.
But the kind of relationships you cultivate is just as important. Bad relationships can be just as destructive as no relationships at all. We can see this clearly in gang affiliations. The gangs target individuals who are vulnerable because they feel a lack of belonging. Often it is a child from a broken home or one who lacks other positive friendships. The gang makes them feel like they finally belong even when that belonging comes with significant danger, both internally and externally.
A good/positive friend brings out the best in you and you in them. One brings skills that the other needs. Another may offer physical strength. Still another can offer encouragement or emotional support. These relationships are bi-directional; BOTH parties gain from them.
Some relationships are one sided. One party takes and the other always gives. These kinds of relationships are draining and are often toxic. The one who always gives becomes depleted and begins to resent the other. Abuse may result on either side. The receiver may become physically demanding and violent if their demands are not met. The giver may become verbally or physically abusive as demands rise and their patience diminish.
ALL these relationships can fit Solomon’s “steel sharpens steel” metaphor. But the implement fashioned out of the sharpening will be different. The bad influence relationships will create weapons. Weapons to use against yourself and others. A hardened heart and a desire to hurt others who ‘cross you’ will be honed to perfection. Being ready to strike out at anyone is the survival took essential in this kind of relationship. Death is a real probability in these kinds of relationships.
The one directional relationship will also hone weapons. A sharp tongue is usually one of the first weapons honed in this kind of relationship. Apathy is another weapon used in this kind of relationship. It can be the receiver who refuses to even consider the needs of the giver or the giver begins to ignore or downplay the receiver’s needs. Neither care any longer about the other beyond what they can get.
The healthy relationship hones useful tools. Skills in communication, empathy, cooperation, and even job skills can become razor sharp. These tools can be used to improve your life and the lives around you. Build as MANY of these kinds of relationships as possible. The tools gathered in one can be used in forging another. Everyone benefits in these relationships.
Be discerning in the kinds of friends you choose. Value, protect, and nurture the good friendships. Walk away from the ones that are harmful. Watch over your heart and the kinds of ‘tools’ being created there.
Father God, thank You for the friends You have placed in my life over the years. And thank You for the ‘friends’ You have kept away! Help me hone good tools; NO weapons. Spiritual weapons would be ok. I can use all of them I can get.
Father, don’t let my relationship with my husband EVER slip into the unhealthy realm. He can’t physically give as much as I can but KNOWING how much he loves me makes up for a lot of that. I know I get frustrated at times. I have given this to You before. I place it once again in Your hands. Hold us both in Your arms as we walk this road together.
