Proverbs 29:19-22 More Than Words

It’s great when you can learn whatever lesson needs taught from mere words, but some lessons require more than words. Serious correction is a case on point.

I have always had trouble identifying with the verses in the Bible that speak of slaves and slavery. I recognize that the practice was common in MANY nations. It is still practices in some regions of the world today. There are other ‘kinds’ of slavery today. But that doesn’t mean that I like it or understand why any man treats another in such fashion.

Gone is the plantation with slaves out in the fields and the household slaves. I’m assuming that these were the same kind of slaves from bible days. Now we have women sold into sexual slavery, illegal immigrants sold into slavery to pay his/her passage, and I’ll even add the people forced to pay ‘protection money’ to whatever gang is controlling their lives. Some of these may have been present in some form or another in bible days too, but they are illegal in my country today.

In all these forms of domination over another, fear is an integral part of it. Fear of what will, or might, happen if the servant disappoints or displeases the master. Words were seldom the instrument used to impart lessons. There was, more often than not, physical punishment used to instill obedience. There were positive incentives offered too but the slave had to do quite a bit to earn these.

Solomon seemed to support this form of ‘discipline’. I would venture to say the reason more was required was because the one being disciplined had no desire to be in the relationship in the first place. I don’t believe anyone wants to be a slave. There are ‘masters’ who are more pleasant to work for than others, but freedom to make your own choices is something we are all born with. Don’t believe me? Spend a little time with a two-year-old. “Me do it me self!” This would be the foundational reason why “though he understands, he will not respond” (verse 19b) is present in the slave’s mindset.

I want to leave the realm of “slave” and look instead at how this applies to our children. First of all, they are NOT our slaves! They are the expression of our heart. It is our responsibility to raise them to be godly adults. This starts from their earliest years. And there are MANY times along this process that mere words are not enough. Discipline takes on many forms along the way; time out, restriction, removing favorite items, rewards for good behavior, special time spent with the parent, and even the rod (spanking). ALL have their place. Both positive and negative consequences can motivate change and be used in discipline and instruction. These provide more than simple understanding. They provide motivation where words might not.

Verse 21 brings us back to slavery but I can’t tell if this has a good ending or a bad one. Is the ‘slave’ being the master’s heir a bad thing? To me, it speaks of a loving relationship being developed over the years. One where the master feels more of a parent than an owner. Yet the word “pampers” has an opposite meaning than one would expect from a master-slave relationship. Pampered means to indulge with every attention, comfort, and kindness; spoil. NOT something a master would be expected to do. But a parent might. Today MANY parents do!

Turning back to the parent-child relationship with this concept this is a negative outcome! This is the child ruling the household. The parent who doesn’t discipline their child while he/she is young will find they are unable to have any control when he/she is older. The roles and responsibilities are completely backwards if you don’t set up the ‘boundaries’ when your children are young. This leads to abusive children and cowering parents.

Verses 20 and 22 share a common theme, just as 19 and 21 do. This second theme has to do with anger. The man who is hasty in his words is more often than not one who is angry, full of wrath. When I was young, my anger got in my way quite often. When I was in my parent’s presence, my anger was held in and I was very quiet. My mom could see me simmering beneath the surface but I REFUSED to acknowledge it. When they were away, my anger was often expressed verbally and physically. If the yelling didn’t get the ‘job done’ a push might come into play. So, I can easily understand how anger leads to “transgressions”. And I can easily recognize the fact that an angry person is harder to reason with than “a fool”. The “fool” either doesn’t understand or had no desire to learn. An angry person is too busy being mad to listen to anything that doesn’t fuel his/her anger.

With an angry person, the only time they are even open to direction is when the fires are out. There is no learning in the middle of an explosion. Some angry people are angry all the time and have a simmer going on at all times. These people are the hardest to reach with instruction.

I was finally able to understand my own reactions to anger when I was finally spent, and when I was ready to care about how people perceived me. Until then, it was, “You got what you deserved” mentality when I was angry. I PRAISE GOD that He got through to me! It took several pieces falling into place at the right time before I really understood how much of a problem my attitude was for me and those around me. Fortunately, God did His work before I was too far into parenthood. I shudder to think what my children would have learned from me if I would have continued on as I was. And I PRAISE GOD that my middle son somehow went through the same lesson and tamed his anger. He did so long before becoming a parent and it has served his children well.

Father God, thank You for my children. Thank You for helping me be the parent they needed instead of one they feared. The BEST incentive I had to offer them was, and still is, love. I NEVER withheld my love but sometimes I let them know that I did NOT “like” them at the time. That helped motivate them. I pray You “like” me right now, even after all I’ve said about not liking part of Your word. Your love is the BEST motivator for me too.

Thank You too Father for not stopping with mere words when I need discipline. You do whatever it takes to get my attention. I don’t know why sometimes but I’ll take it!!! I LOVE YOU FATHER. Thank You for loving me; Your not so angry any more little girl.