Proverbs 27:15-16 Quarrelsome Wife
We meet the quarrelsome wife again. Solomon had a fair amount to say about such a mate, and NONE of it good. He looks at controlling her this time.
The last few times Solomon spoke to us about a quarrelsome wife, he spoke of trying to avoid her or get away from her. Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 21:9). “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman” (Proverbs 21:19). This time he talks about trying to change or restrain her. And he says it’s pretty much impossible!
As I have said before, the quarrelsome one doesn’t always have to be the wife. It can be the husband as well. Sometimes it is even the children, but with children it is expected that there will be discipline used to deal with this situation. There are some people who simply LOVE to antagonize others or find fault in EVERYTHING. They are NO FUN to be around, unless of course you enjoy that kind of interaction too.
My es-husband used to like to argue. His favorite subject to argue was politics. I HATE arguing and I HATE politics. So, I abstained, even when it made him angry. I have recently discovered that he continued to attempt to get others to engage him in arguing politics. His friend stated that he has seen him argue vehemently with a co-worker and then both of them walk away smiling. I will NEVER get it! The only way to ‘restrain’ him was to avoid entering into his argument.
Solomon didn’t always use the term “quarrelsome wife” when it came to describing a spouse that was difficult to live with. I would imagine that he had experience in MULTIPLE different kinds of relationships with his wives. I wonder how many of them fit into this category. Did he avoid them? Did he give in to them? Did he find other ways to engage them? Or did he watch for this characteristic BEFORE entering into a relationship with them?
When we are dating, we are on our best behavior. Often times the annoying traits don’t come out until after the ring goes on. Then, because of the commitment made, walking away is much harder to do. In our current world, MANY couples live together before marriage. The get to ‘try on’ the role before really committing to it. God says this is wrong. He has an order for things. But for those of us who get things in the ‘wrong order’ He also has forgiveness.
Someone once said that, if you want to know what your wife will look like when she gets older, look at her mother. I have a feeling that at least some of that holds true for the personality traits too. If you want to know if your future wife will be the “quarrelsome” type, look at her parents as well as the other siblings’ relationships. The family that thinks nothing of shouting at one another most likely will carry that same trait into their future relationships. We know this happens in a lot of children from abusive families. They often become abusers in their relationships.
BUT THIS DOESN’T MEAN IT IS INEVITABLE! We each make our own choices. We CAN learn to restrain ourselves when we are the quarrelsome one. It doesn’t work for someone else to control you. It has to be your own decision. YOU have to choose peace in your own heart. And the BEST place to start to do this is by turning to God and asking for His help in this. He took and reworked the anger in me so I KNOW He can do it for you too.
Yes, I still have times when I get upset. I still have issues that ‘push my buttons’. But I have learned, and am still learning, to let go; to pick my battles. Not everything has to be MY way. And a little gentle speech goes a LONG way. I’m MORE than grateful for the steps that brought me these lessons and changes.
Father God, THANK YOU for rescuing me from myself. For helping me see the quarrelsomeness in me. I’m TRULY sorry for those I hurt along the way, and those I still hurt when my old self tries to rise up again. Help me continue the journey You began in me. Fill me with Your love and let it overflow in everything I do. Let me be a blessing to my husband instead of someone he has to try and escape.
Help any of my brothers and sisters who also desire this change in their lives and marriages. Give their hearts peace too. A peace that only You can give. Thank You for loving me even when I was unlovable.
