Genesis 28 Esau’s Still Trying
Isaac sends Jacob to find a wife from the family of Rebekah. Esau’s still trying to please his parents, so he looks for a wife ‘within the family’ too. From Ishmael.
I’m wondering about communication in this family. It looks like they don’t really talk to one another. I can understand about having your own life to lead at 70, but why didn’t Esau know that his parents didn’t want their sons to take wives from the land of Canaan BEFORE Esau married his first two wives?
Did Rebekah’s hatred of the women of the land start before Esau’s wives entered their lives, or after? Did Judith and Basemath sour her or was she prejudiced already? Abraham had refused to allow his son to take a wife from those around him. Was this sentiment passed on through Isaac? And if so, why didn’t Esau know of it? Did Jacob know of it before he was sent away?
Esau is still trying to please his parents, in his own way. Since his parents wanted to keep the marriages ‘in the family’, Esau figured he could accommodate their wishes too. Esau finds solidarity in one son who feels ‘pushed out’ to another who was. Let’s rejoin this story and see how Esau handles this latest revelation.
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Esau, still steaming over Jacob’s despicable act, decides to go hunting. He can’t kill his brother, yet, but that day will come. For now, he needs to release some of his pent-up anger. If he doesn’t, he will explode!
Esau is completely unaware that his conversation with Judith was overheard. His words were spoken to her as he prepared to leave on an extended hunt. “I have to get away so I can clear my head” he thinks to himself.
With his waterskin, dried meat, bow, quiver, knife, and hatched all in their places, Esau kisses Judith goodbye. “Take care of Basemath. And you keep out of trouble too” Esau chides his favorite wife.
“I wish you would let me go with you” pleads Judith.
“No. I need some time alone. I have to get my thoughts together.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“As long as it takes” replies Esau. When he sees Judith’s pleading eyes and wringing hands, he gives her a better answer. “I will be back in a week.”
“What if something happens while you are gone? How can I reach you?”
“I’m sure you can handle anything that comes up.”
Judith understands the deep pain that Esau feels. She has been betrayed in her life too. She only wishes that her husband would let her help him heal it. She watches him leave, knowing that, as much as she would like to, she cannot help him. He must process this hurt on his own.
Esau is deep in his own thoughts while Isaac is sending Jacob away. Esau is finding solace in his time with nature. Hunting has never failed to calm his spirit. He feels connected to the world around him; one with nature.
Esau has had many opportunities to take down large game while on this hunt. But if he did, he would have to end his time in the wild and bring the game home for processing. He is not one to hunt for ‘sport’ alone. Everything he kills feeds his family.
On his last day out, he comes across a large cat. He had seen signs of it for the last few days, but today, he is within striking distance. These cats are the most dangerous of all prey. They are stealthy and can take down a man with ease. Esau resolves to bring this cat home with him for his family’s table.
“Basemath will love that pelt” he whispers to himself. She gets cold easily and this pelt will keep her warm reasons Esau. It takes all Esau’s concentration and skill to finally bring the cat down, but it was worth every ounce of it. This is only the second cat that Esau has taken from the land. The last one nearly took him instead.
Esau is very strong, but carrying the cat home nearly does him in. He brought it home intact. The only thing left behind was its blood. Esau had hung it from a tree and slit its neck to remove all the blood to protect the meat. That did very little to decrease the weight of the cat. It was exhausting carrying the cat home, but it was also a triumph. And that triumph buoyed Esau whenever his strength would threaten to fail him.
Judith has been watching for Esau all day. She knows that this is the day he said he would return, but she doesn’t know at what hour. And she has something important to tell him when he does get home.
One of the servants came to her five days ago in hopes of finding Esau. He had important news regarding Jacob but he refused to share the details with her. After 30 years of living in this camp, she was still treated as an outsider. She pretended that she didn’t care, and she gave as good as she got. Her sharp tongue was well honed here, and she wasn’t afraid to use it.
When Judith sees Esau in the distance, she runs out to meet him. She is in awe of his trophy but spends little time examining it. “I’m so glad you are home!” She gives Esau a side hug and nearly knocks him over. He is weary from carrying his burden. The exuberance of Judith’s greeting causes him to stagger.
Judith immediately realizes what she has done and quickly acts to stabilize Esau. “I’m so sorry. Can I help you carry that” she offers.
Esau smiles at her. She is so caring. He loves her with all his heart! “Maybe just lend me some of your energy, since you have so much of it right now.”
“I live to serve” replies Judith with a smile that rivals the sun. She puts her arm around Esau and they return to camp together. She holds off on telling him anything about the servant for now. There will be plenty of time for ‘family matters’ after he has rested.
Basemath is waiting by the tent when Esau and Judith arrive. The two women help Esau lower the cat to the ground and bring a stool for him to sit on. Basemath quickly ducks back into the tent and returns with a fresh skin of wine. She quickly makes up a meal for Esau of cheese, meat and bread. She sees the weariness in his eyes and does all she can to resolve it.
After Esau has eaten and drank, he is ready to talk. “Tell me, my wives, what ‘’excitement I have missed.”
This was said in half jest, but when Basemath ducks her head, Esau is immediately alert. “Tell me” he says in a voice filled with both kindness and steel.
“Your brother Jacob is gone.”
Esau’s brows furrow in confusion at these words. “Gone how? As in ‘died’, or left?”
Basemath’s cheeks color in embarrassment of her choice of words. “Forgive me. ‘Gone’ as in left the camp.”
“When did he leave?”
“A day or so after your departure” offers Judith.
“We weren’t exactly keeping track of him, but we have heard from others of his departure” supplies Basemath.
“And he hasn’t returned?”
“No, my husband.” Judith pauses for a moment before telling Esau of their visitor. “One of the servants who is loyal to you came by shortly after your brother left. He had news he wanted to share with you.”
“What was the news?”
“He would not tell us. He simply said that it concerned your brother, Jacob.”
Esau’s return had not gone unnoticed by others. The very servant who had come to Judith and Basemath heard of Esau’s return. As soon as his duties were completed, he made his way to the tent of Esau. His arrival was in perfect timing with Esau’s learning of the events.
Movement behind Esau catches Judith’s eye. “The man we were speaking of is approaching now” she says while pointing with her chin in his direction.
When the servant is near the small group, he calls out to Esau. “Master.”
“Hello Danael. I hear you have news for me.”
“I do my lord” he says but speaks nothing more.
“Spit it out” Esau encourages.
“It is a matter best spoken of in private” pleads the servant.
“You may speak in front of my wives. We hold no secrets.”
“Everyone has secrets, my lord. Even if only to protect the ones he loves the most.” The servant’s eyes drop to the ground.
Esau’s curiosity is piqued. “Then we will walk” offers Esau as he rises from his stool.
“As you wish my lord.”
Esau and Danael walk towards a secluded spot. Danael says nothing until they arrive. He quickly looks around to ensure no one is listening or watching them.
“Six days ago, your Abba called your brother Jacob into him. I was near enough to hear their conversation through the walls of his tent.”
When Danael hesitates, Esau encourages him to continue. “Go on.”
“Your Abba told Jacob NOT to marry any of the women from the land of Canaan. Instead, he sent Jacob to the house of Laban, your Ima’s brother. He told him to take a wife from among Laban’s daughters.”
“And Jacob agreed to this?”
“After your Abba blessed him, he left immediately, so I’m assuming that he is following your Abba’s instructions. He has not returned.”
Esau is stunned by these words. His Abba had no more blessings for him after Jacob stole the one intended for him. But yet, he has another one for Jacob because Jacob would take a wife from the house of Laban.
“Thank you for bringing this to me” says Esau while hiding the knife he felt in his stomach at a second blessing for Jacob.
Danael bowed deeply to Esau, then left. Esau remained where he was to consider all he had learned. “Abba never blessed my marriages. Apparently, Abba and Ima hate the women of this land more than they love me. That could explain their treatment of my wives. Could it be my wives themselves, who have engendered this attitude? Judith is not shy is sharing her sharp tongue; even with my Ima.”
This matter would occupy Esau’s mind for a while. He desperately wanted his parent’s approval; especially his Abba’s. It appears as though he has ostracized them with his marriages. He remembers telling them that he wasn’t “asking their permission” when he chose to marry Judith. Why had he dismissed their concerns so easily? Why hadn’t he listened to their counsel? Judith hadn’t led him into idol worship, but neither had she attempted to dispel Rebekah’s dislike of the women of the area.
After several days of ruminating on this hurt, Esau has a flash of insight. “If I marry ‘within the family’, I may again regain my Abba’s favor. He may even bless my marriage!”
Esau doesn’t discuss his plan with anyone, including his current wives. Instead, he tells his wives that he is going on another extended hunting trip.
“We still have plenty of meat from the cat you brought home less than a month ago” offers Basemath.
“It is something I need to do. Not for the meat but for myself.”
Judith has noticed Esau pulling away from her and Basemath over the last week, but has said nothing. She is afraid to ask the cause of this for fear of pushing him even further away. She silently watches as her husband prepares for another absence from her.
Esau feels the distance too. The more he desires to please his Abba, the farther he draws away from the other part of his heart. The part that loves Judith and Basemath. It is almost as if his Ima’s hatred is finding cracks and beginning to seep into the relationship he has forged with his wives. He prays that this is not true. He also prays that this new wife, which he will bring home, will not destroy what has already been built. He is torn, but believes that he MUST do this if he is ever going to have his parents love him again.
Esau knows little of his uncle, Ishmael. He met him when he was 15. It was during the time when his Abba’s Abba died. Ishmael was present when Abraham gave gifts to all his sons and also when his own Abba buried Abraham. But he has not seen him since that day; more than 50 years ago. There has been the occasional word brought by caravans of the happenings in Ishmael’s life. Esau even knew where Ishmael had settled; near the wilderness of Paran. This would be the place where Esau would begin his search.
Ishmael was easier to find than Esau expected. Ishmael was very well-known man in the region just north of the boarder of Egypt. He was also both powerful and rich. Esau came to his uncle’s camp within days of setting out on his journey. This was indeed good fortune.
When Esau arrived, he was welcomed as an honored guest. Ishmael sat with him for long hours at a time, sharing stories and catching up on each other’s lives. Esau learned that Ishmael’s family was huge! Ishmael had 12 sons, who ruled portions of the land around them. Ishmael also had one daughter. She was his youngest and had not married.
Something unexpected developed between these two men as they grew to know one another. It was as if they were ‘kindred’ spirits. They were both skilled hunters who stood out in their lands. But it was something more. Both shared a feeling of being ‘pushed out’ by their Abba. Abraham had truly pushed Ishmael away. Not because he didn’t love him, but because Abraham loved Sarah more. Esau felt ‘pushed out’ by Jacob’s trickery and Isaac’s refusal to give him a blessing. Esau also felt estranged from his Ima because of his choice in wives. These two could definitely identify with one another. That is why, when Esau asked about taking a wife from the family of Ishmael, Ishmael gave him his own daughter; Mahalath.
“She is as close to my Abba Abraham as you are. Surely, your Abba Isaac will see this and welcome her.”
“Hopefully my Ima will welcome her as well.”
Ishmael called Mahalath to him so she could meet Esau. “Mahalath, this is your husband Esau. He is the son of Isaac, my brother. You will go with him to his land and bear him many children.”
Mahalath had been waiting for this day for a LONG time. She feared her Abba would never find a man he believed suitable to marry her. She didn’t know Esau in the least, but she would willingly obey her Abba.
Ishmael performed their wedding ceremony before they left. Esau had asked for this so that there would be no chance of her being rejected by his family. His parents, and even his wives, could not refuse her entrance into their company once they were married. She may not slip in effortlessly when they arrived, but she would already be ‘family’ in more ways than one.
Esau returned from Paran to Beersheba at the end of three weeks. Judith and Basemath had worried about him while he was gone. They knew he was struggling with something when he left. They prayed that he would return with his usual demeanor restored.
Judith, as always, was the first to spy Esau as he was nearing camp. She hurried out to meet him. She was puzzled by the presence of another woman in his company, but figured he would explain this when he was ready. Maybe he had found her wandering and stopped to help her.
“Welcome home my husband” Judith exclaims.
Esau remains stiff when Judith goes to embrace him. The smile she had been wearing from the moment she spotted him, immediately melts from her face. “Is there something wrong” Judith asks with tears threatening to break free.
“All is well” replies Esau with a curtness that did nothing to reassure Judith that all was indeed well.
Judith says nothing more. She falls in step behind Esau as the three of them complete the return to camp. Judith and Mahalath steal glances at one another but say nothing. Esau leads them to his tent. There he will make the introductions.
“Mahalath is my wife” says Esau with a hand on Mahalath’s shoulder. “She is the daughter of Ishmael, my Abba’s brother. Mahalath, this is Judith, my first wife, and Basemath, my second.” All three women greeted one another with simple head nods.
Esau left the three women standing there, staring at one another, while he went to freshen up. Once he was clean, he would present his wife to his Abba and Ima. He hoped his Abba would give him a blessing at that time.
When Esau returned, his wives had scarcely moved. “Mahalath, it is time to meet my Abba and Ima.”
With this command, Mahalath fell in behind Esau and silently followed him to his Abba’s tent. Esau had told her stories along their journey home of the people she would meet, but that did little to prepare her for actually standing before these people and being judged by them.
Rebakah was sitting outside the tent when they arrived. She looked up and saw Esau and a beautiful woman standing beside him. Esau leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.
“Is Abba awake? Is he well enough for visitors?”
“Your Abba is awake and well enough. Shall we go in together?”
“Yes, please.”
Esau held the door for both the women to enter. Once they are all inside, Rebekah announced their presence and walked over to Isaac and put a hand on his arm. “We have visitors. Esau is here.” She didn’t know how to introduce the woman with him.
“Esau” Isaac says with warmth in his voice. “It has been some time since you last came to me. Sit my son. Tell me of your days.”
“I would love to spend time telling you of my days Abba, but I have something important to tell you first.”
Isaac notices the serious tone in his son’s voice. He sits straighter in his bed. “Speak my son. I am listening.”
“I have gone to see your brother, Ishmael, and taken a wife from among our people. Her name is Mahalath.”
Rebekah’s eyes widen in surprise. Neither she nor Isaac say anything for a moment. Before the silence becomes too great, Rebekah welcomes Mahalath. “Welcome Mahalath. Wife of my son. Esau didn’t tell us he was seeking another wife.”
Mahalath returns Rebekah’s greeting. “Thank you.”
Isaac offers a welcome also. “Welcome daughter.” He didn’t know she was standing in the room until Rebekah spoke to her.
“How is your father” asks Isaac.
“He is well. And he sends his greetings.”
When nothing more is said, Esau turns to leave, taking Mahalath with him. Esau’s heart aches as he walks away, once again, from his Abba without a blessing.
It takes several months for life to settle down into a peaceful household in the tent of Esau. The women have to work out their own relationship as Esau is too distracted to assist them. Judith’s sharp tongue had to be tamed too. Basemath helped Mahalath in this process.
Once peace reigned with his wives, Esau began to find joy again. He accepted that he would never win his Abba’s blessing or his Ima’s favor. He would show his love to his Abba though by continuing to bring him the game he loved so much. What was broken would not be restored, but what was became enough.
(to be continued)
This, trying to win your parent’s favor, plagues MANY families. When I was young, my mother used to say; “If you hadn’t have been so stubborn and been a boy, we wouldn’t have had to have all these children.” As an adult, I know it was said in jest. But as a child… She also told me that if I could kiss my elbow, I could become a boy. I tried for YEARS to kiss my elbow so I could please my mother and be a boy. Again, as an adult, I recognize the foolishness and impossibility of this. Yet as a child…
My heart hurts for Esau. We never see him receive anything but the ‘half blessing’ grudgingly bestowed on him by Isaac. The fact that he sought a wife from a close family member speaks volumes of the hurt and distance he felt from his own father. “Have you but one blessing? Bless me also!”
As a mother of four, I know the difficulties of trying to keep things ‘even’ between your children. I also know this as a sibling in a group of five. Hurts and slights can come from places you would never think of. ‘Favoritism’ can be real or imagined, but it always hurts when you are the one without it.
Jesus tells us that “God is no respecter of persons.” He doesn’t have ‘favorites’. He loves us ALL. But He doesn’t use us all exactly the same. Jacob and Esau had traits that lead them to different paths in life. Their paths also lent them the tools to better connect with one parent or the other. We have different traits that lead us each in our own paths. And God uses those traits to build His Kingdom. He calls ALL of us to be His children, but He doesn’t call all of us to be pastors, or evangelists, or all the other roles He has put in His family.
That DOES NOT mean that one person is loved more than the other, or even needed more. It means that we ALL have a place where our talents fit. And we are happiest there when we stop wishing for the talents or places of another. Jacob would never fully take the place of Esau in his father’s heart. But neither would Esau take the path God had marked out for Jacob. As much as it hurt, each was right where he was supposed to be.
Father God, thank You for opening up Esau’s story to me. At first, I thought of him taking this third wife as spiteful. You showed me a heart searching for love of his parents instead. Is this really his motivation? Only You can answer that; and him too. Thank You for showing it to me regardless.
Thank You also Father for my parents. They weren’t perfect, but they did the GREATEST thing a parent can do for their child. They introduced me to You. THAT makes EVERY hurt disappear. I PRAY that, one day, my children may say the same thing of me.
