Proverbs 25:11-12 A Fit Word
When it comes to giving correction, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Words spoken in love are fit words. The lessen the weight behind the reproof.
Every one of us have been corrected/reproved at one time or another in our lives. HOW that happens makes a LOT of difference. The attitude of the person doing the correction is the first link in the chain of correction. The ‘chain’ doesn’t end there. And even the person with the greatest intentions and attitude can’t bring about good results if the receiver is not ready to listen.
I want to break down the different ‘links’ and the owners of the individual links. Let’s build our chain.
Link 1: The corrector’s attitude – is he/she angry, distracted, demanding, loving, aggressive, nurturing, …?
Link 2: The words chosen – are they chosen with care, blurted out as the first thing that comes to mind, demeaning words, healing words, confusing words, straightforward words, …?
Link 3: The delivery – delivered face to face, spoken at someone, spoken behind someone’s back, written down, focused time, in passing, …?
Link 4: The relationship between corrector and listener – is there a positive relationship already in place, a stranger, an adversary, a figure of authority, an impartial observer, an interloper …?
Link 5: The listener’s/receiver’s attitude – is he/she angry, distracted, demanding, focused, caring, open, …?
Link 6: The listener’s perception (how does he/she interpret the ‘correction’) – criticism, instruction, griping, needed, welcome, helpful, hurtful, angered by the ‘intrusion’, …?
Link 6: The listener’s readiness – is he/she ready to change, resistant to change, doesn’t see the need for change (sees nothing wrong with how they acted in the first place), searching, entrenched in their beliefs, …?
Link 7: The final response – is the correction acted on, feet dug in, slow change started, shame, break in relationship, …?
As you can see, there are many parts to this seemingly simple interaction. Two things I neglected to mention are; how important is the issue being corrected, and how easily can the change be implemented/incorporated? In other words, “Pick your battles”. Not EVERYTHING needs to be corrected. Sometimes it’s better to let the little things be, as long as those little things don’t directly lead to the big things. This is where Link 4 has the greatest impact. With a strong relationship, it is easier to identify the issues that really require ‘suiting up for battle’.
Any link in the chain affects the outcome but the two critical links our author in Proverbs points out are the words spoken and the listening ear. It takes all three of the corrector’s links in harmony to make those words as “apples of golden in a setting of silver.” And it takes all four of the listener’s links tuned towards receiving for the outcome to be profitable. In short, it takes two in tune to retune an important issue.
Father God, help me be both a “wise reprover” and a “listening ear” when receiving reproof. Let me know which ‘battles to pick’ and which to let pass. Help me in establishing relationships that can stand the test of correction, on both sides. Let me always speak with love. Let my words be nourishment and never cutting or destructive. Even the best words spoken with the wrong attitude can be weapons of destruction.
When I’m on the receiving end, let me open my heart to words spoken with love. Help me know the difference between those who come with Your words on their lips and those who come of their own motivations. And heal my heart when my reprover doesn’t act out of love.
